So about the ex....

Listen, you can judge me all you want... but basically I'm a heart breaker when it comes to dating. I get bored and move on very easily. For some reason, I've always been able to shut off my feelings whenever I have wanted. Maybe I just never fell in love or even strong like, I don't know... whatever it was, I've always been the person to stop all relationships...

But then came along Tim.

I bring this up now because he called last night. I deleted his phone number for the 5th time and never looked back. Here is the story of MY first heart break!....

In December, my grandmother died. I woke up that Wednesday morning to drive home for the funeral and family time. When I looked out my window, snow was EVERYWHERE! I called my parents and they said 8 inches were to come in the mountains on the way home and to find a flight.

I quickly looked on line, found a flight, packed a bag and went to the airport (no shower, hair in a pony tail, jeans, and a ratty hooded sweatshirt).

You should know I was dating a guy, lets call him Jason, at this point. Probably for about a month but it really wasn't going anywhere.

So anyway, I get to the airport, get coffee, and because I had left right away, I still had 3 hours until my plane came. There was a bookstore so I decided to buy Chelsea Handler's book My Horizontal Life.

I sat in my chair to read, drink my coffee, and eat my muffin. For those of you who have never read the book... it is HILARIOUS! I started laughing out loud. Embarrassing but I couldn't hold it in. I tried to hold it in and my back began to shake.

In comes Tim. Tall, dark hair, nicely dressed, very put together.

He asks me what I'm reading and we start a conversation. Mostly our talk was about football and how his team was going to beat my team (in his opinion). I just laughed and continued to read my book when his plane came. He lined up for his flight (he was down here on business) but then he got out of line and gave me his card.

I got bored an hour later and e-mailed him from my phone. When my plane touched down at home, I had an e-mail from him,

This started e-mailing, texting, and finally a phone call when I got back in town from the funeral. This continued all day, everyday. We were texting NON-STOP, talking for hours at a time. At this point, I stopped dating Jason for Tim... Tim was like no one I had ever met before.

2 weeks later he came down to visit. It was amazing. I fell in love with him over the phone those 2 weeks and him being there made me have no doubts.

Now, this is the FIRST time I had ever felt like that. So when I would catch him in a few lies, I ignored them. They seemed harmless. When he didn't call one night (he called every night) and he told me his phone broke, I believed him.

Obviously I wasn't born yesterday and I'm not stupid so deep down inside, I had to know he was a jerk or a liar or whatever but I kept trying. I kept thinking we met for a reason. He told me he loved me, I was his everything, he couldn't wait to move to Virginia.

That continued for a few months. But here is the part where you say WHAT WAS SHE THINKING!

1) I never knew his address (we were "together" for 6 months)
2) He never talked to me on the phone around anyone else
3) I kept catching him in little stupid lies
4) He never invited me to visit and when I would bring it up, he would have an excuse
5) He never came down here for a weekend... It was always one or two night during the week

I could get into COUNTLESS other shady lies or things that didn't make sense that happened. But you get the point.

So finally, I gave up. I would tell him I was done and a week later he would call me crying. I felt bad and thought maybe I hadn't tried enough... I kept giving him chance after chance. It was sick... I KNEW... KNEW that if I were another girl looking at this, I would slap myself across the face to knock some sense into me!

So this would continue but it would be two or three weeks until we talked again. We would stop talking for 3 weeks and he would get back in touch. Each time, I would let him come back until a month ago. This is when the straw broke the camel's back.

We hadn't talked for 3 weeks. We got in touch and he told me he was coming down the next morning to visit because he "missed me so much." I changed my whole schedule for that day and waited for his phone call.... never came... At 9:30am he texted me that it was over $500 to fly down. I looked online- it was only $250. I told him not to bother and he texted back "please don't give up baby. I promise I'm coming".... That was at 9:45am

Never heard from him again!!! Until today, 3 weeks later.

So anyway, he called last night. I don't know his phone number, only the first 3 digits. Which is good, I don't want to text him if I have a few beers with the girls. :-) I'm notorious for the drunk text/dial! So I deleted the incoming call phone number and haven't looked back.

I look back on it now and know either he was married or had something he was hiding- obviously. It's okay though because I loved....

I never knew what it felt like but now I do. I'm not in a rush to do it again but when that time comes, I know how good it can feel.

I learned too. I will never EVER let someone treat me the way I was treated. I feel powerful and strong and happy and amazing that, even though it took 6 months, I stopped talking to him.

I have more hate for him right now than anyone... however, I do have to thank him. I found myself. I am proud of myself. I found out that I do love myself no matter how low my confidence feels.

Thank you Tim.... (you jackass!)